Some Frivolous Lists Ranking Frivolous Things

Things You Should Know About The Goldfinch

  1. The Goldfinch is a ludicrously lengthy novel, clocking in somewhere around 750 pages in the version I read (eBook, because no way was I hauling that many pages onto the subway). About 650 of those pages are worth reading. More on that last 100, and some spoilers, later in this list.
  2. The Goldfinch features Theo, a Jesse Pinkman-style protagonist, by which I mean after a while, every action he takes forces you to think to yourself, “Oh, Theo, no.”
  3. Theo suffers from intense attachment issues. They are not subtle, and over time, they become progressively less interesting.
  4. They hit their uninteresting fever pitch when the narration begins including phrases like “as if anyone will read this.” I hate that kind of pseudo-self awareness. Why? We know we’re reading a novel, and it’s not like it’s meta or something! It’s not like it’s a clever narrative decision!
  5. At some point, Theo kills a guy. It’s around when you really start disliking him for more than the attachment issues.
  6. Probably don’t invest the time in this novel unless you love something that starts strong, stays strong, then is suddenly not very strong at all.

Olympic Sports I Find Duly Entertaining

  1. Figure skating. Obvious.
  2. Biathlon. Less obvious, due largely to the overly enthusiastic commentary.
  3. Aerials. People on skis flipping over? Tell me more!
  4. Slope style. People on skis flipping over on a course? Tell me more!

Things I Think You Should Probably Get Into

  1. The Marvel Now! Hawkeye comic. Since I’ve gotten into the wonderful world of Avengers fan fiction, my affection for the delightfully sarcastic, largely enigmatic Clint Barton has resurfaced, and now, with the comic, it’s definitely increased. Plus, you have this strong, feisty heroine in Kate Bishop, the other Hawkeye, who remains devoted to helping Clint no matter how ridiculously he’s behaving. PLUS, you have Lucky/Pizza Dog. What more could you want?
  2. If you do want more, then Brian K. Vaughan’s Saga remains awesome.
  3. Is the Hold Steady coming to your city? Go see them! I did last week, and it was quite possibly the best show I’ve ever been to. Granted, this had a lot to do with it being an anniversary show and thus very long and very personal. (22 songs. That is not an insignificant number of songs.) It was totally worth staying up way past my bedtime and extremely sore feet, because you know I was fighting for the front most of the show.
  4. Did you forget about Community? It’s good again! Tell your friends.
  5. I love that Archer completely remade itself this season, and you probably would, too. Of course, if you haven’t seen what came before it–and why haven’t you? Come on, shape up!–then you’ll want to check out the first four seasons and get really into the spy spoof format. Then you’ll love the turn it takes in the first episode of season five. I promise.